Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Get in the groove

Those who know me well were not surprised when I say on Friday "soooo...I'm moving to Kansas City, Monday." Those who know me well also trust that I am led by God... but more importantly..they know God,intimately.... and have seen first hand how He works in my life...and were quickly on board. They trust Him. They know that He is so good. As my dad said...do this venture as if unto the Lord and you cannot go wrong. So in the excitement of this new chapter of my life...I head north yesterday. No doubt about this decision. I arrive at the office and hit the ground running, moving right back into the activity of roofing houses. Then, off to get settled and unload the car at my new abode.

In my fatigue of the events from a weekend of preparation and little sleep...I hit my wall. More than anything I needed sleep and was feeling a bit "off".
When I am feeling that way, I know in my spirit that it's just a feeling. Not the truth. Our feelings and emotions are fickle...I know this...I preach this...but I still needed some comfort and tend to look to a certain someone for that instead of the Almighty Comforter...the one that is so gentle and understanding. I prayed...and off to dream land I go...

I believe that the Lord is calling me to be a woman of faith today...to trust Him and not to pay attention to how I may be feeling "off". I am led by the Lord..so it shouldn't matter how I feel... and that this happened as quickly as it did. Actually, every time the Lord does something in my life,there has never been time to over think it. So why am I surprised? ...it's time to get in the groove...stop looking to the left and the right for my comfort and rest my eyes on Him.

Lord, I repent for giving in to thoughts that are not of you...for not standing on Your promises to never leave me or forsake me. For entertaining feelings that move me from the solid rock of who You are and who You have made me. Thank You for Your goodness. I'm thankful for the ones that You place in my life to speak truth to me. Thank you that I am filled with that peace that Paul speaks of in Ephesians...the peace that surpasses all understanding. No matter where I'm at...what city, or state, or country...You are with me and I am with You. In Jesus name I pray...Amen.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

It's OK to cry

Psalm 35:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

This was one of my favorite verses when I first fell in love with the Lord. I was such a hurting individual...so it was like the Lord put these words in His love letter just for me. As I have said before, no one knew that a scared little girl lived in me. My confidence was misleading...smoke and mirrors so to speak.

Fast forward to today. My confidence is in the Lord now, not confidence in my own understanding as Paul says. However, my nature and personality are strong. I tend to be a bit hard on myself...I look at myself as weak when I get upset and cry about something...after all, so many look at me as the rock (my friend Stacy lovingly calls me this). The one who is calm and steady. I almost feel like I'm not allowed to have a "moment" of heartbreak...not from others but I put that on myself...That it's not OK. I have to be tough...what a bunch of crap. Sound familiar to any of the girls reading this?

Do you have a great deal of grace for others who are hurting but look at yourself as weak if you experience emotions and "lose it a little" when your God given emotions stare you in the face. As women we are made up so miraculously...we GET TO CREATE ANOTHER LIFE (yes i know the man is involved but you understand what I mean :). A tiny little being grows inside of us. I had struggled with PMS for years but recently have been introduced to the world of Homeopathy. Straight from the Lord I tell ya! I have been set free from the emotional roller coaster, praise be to God. For so long I did not embrace the fact that God made me a certain way. Passionate, full of love and emotions that He gave me.

So of course yesterday and today the enemy of my soul tried to lie to me and say that I'm just being emotional and weak when I had a heartbreak moment. That I wasn't REALLY set free from the bondage of PMS and how on earth could I minister to others when I can't get a hold on my emotions. Then, the Lord sent to me a little fun sized red head (she knows who she is) with these words..."It's OK to be upset, there's nothing wrong with that". I remember very little of the sentences spoken in the next few seconds because those words resonated in my heart like I had never heard those words spoken to me. I'm taking the risk of sounding a tad bit dramatic but it was as if He spoke them to me Himself. She loves me in the purest way and so does He.

The Lord would have had no need to put this scripture in His love letter to us if it were not OK to be brokenhearted...I'm just glad to know that He is near.

Because of this it draws me nearer to Him. I know that as I continue to wait with a good attitude on Him, tears and all, it's not a tragedy, it's a triumph. He knows best and I trust my Father. I love you Lord.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Greater Grace

James 4:6 But He gives a greater grace. Therefore it says, "God is opposed to the proud, but gives greater grace to the humble."

Pride...the reason Lucifer was cast from the Heavens. I'm familiar with pride. In it's ugliest form, when I thought i needed no one...it almost took my life. Now, in more subtle ways my own agenda gets in the way. Today, I hurt my mom's feelings when I did not make her a priority. I have a purpose and that's to honor her...it's one of the first commandments attached to a promise...Exodus 20:12 says "Honor your father and mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you". I want my days to be prolonged in this land which the Lord has given me...I have work to do as a wife, mother, and evangelist. I wanted to do what I want to do. When you add lack of communication to the mix...you know where this is headed. The Lord has been dealing with me strongly about selfishness. When you have led a lifestyle that has been driven by immediate gratification for the better part of 20 years it's a stretch to put others needs before your own. I believe that at 39 years old I am being groomed for marriage...where my life will not be my own anymore. I'm thankful.

The Lord asked me to humble myself and ask my mom for forgiveness... I love Him and I love His word. I did so. Not because I'm super spiritual...but because I love Him and I love my mom. And...I got grace. The enemy of our souls can do NOTHING when we humble ourselves before the Almighty. James 4:7 says Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

Lord, thank You for your unlimited grace. You are a good, good God. Help us to have grace with one another and thank You for the amazing Holy Spirit that leads us in all that we do. We choose to be led by You and not by the flesh....help us to glorify You in our speech and even in thought. Stir us up...the flame of desire that You placed in us to live for You. In the precious name of Jesus we pray...Amen.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Healing old wounds, together

Romans 15:5,6 Now may the God Who gives the power of patient endurance (steadfastness) and Who supplies encouragement, grant you to live in such mutual harmony and such full sympathy with one another, in accord with Jesus Christ,
That together you may [unanimously] with united hearts and one voice, praise and glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (the Messiah). AMP

I have met the Love of my life~ Jesus. He gets me and I get Him. He understands why I do the things I do. I'm thankful that the Lord chose Him for me...He's amazing. Everything I have prayed for and more. We are learning and growing daily and have had some tough seasons...nothing that you yourself haven't experienced. The Lord has grown me up a great deal in the past 6 months and has shed some light in some areas that have been painful yet liberating to deal with. I'm in expectation of the revelation in more areas, ready, with His help to be a better woman of God that will represent the Lord well. It's sad and funny at the same time but I really thought I had "overcome" some stuff, then I find out how selfish I can be and...ugh...praise God for His mercy and grace!

Jesus is in the healing business~we don't have to live all our lives in bondage to our past. I used to think that I would never change...That I would always have a chip on my shoulder, with something to prove to the world. Especially men. My motto was...I'll hurt you before you hurt me. I was defensive and controlling, and touchy. When I met Jesus he began a work on my heart...(and still working on me...yay!)

I had a vision one morning in service, soon after I gave my heart to Him. We were in worship and I was kneeling, the Lord knelt beside me...picked my heart up from the carpet and begin to caress, almost knead it. The scar tissue was thick and ugly to look at. As He pulled away scars, one by one, the pink tissue began to appear in His loving hands. When He was finished...He took my face in His hand, looked deep into me, smiled, and placed my heart back inside me, where it belonged. The Lord continues to heal old wounds in me through my soon to be husband.

As I fall deeper in love with Jesus, I'm learning that I need Him now more than ever. I had this idea that I needed no one. That prideful way of thinking almost took my life. I'm learning about love, not the puppy love kind. But the love that swallows pride and says, "I apologize", even when we don't feel we are at fault... and when our selfish nature wants to "get back" at the other when our feelings are hurt. It's not about me and my desires anymore...I've had a lifetime of that. It's about us...and being about the Lord's business...first. We can't do that when we are in strife. More than anything I want to hear "well done good and faithful servant"...and what does He call us to do over and over? TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER. Even when we don't feel like it. ESPECIALLY when we don't feel like it. I have learned the way to give the devil a nervous breakdown is to have a red hot love walk. You know how frustrated he must get when he doesn't get the victory.... when one of those arguments break out and begin to get out of hand because someone had a tone...you can't even remember what you are fighting about? And then you get a hold of yourself say... "Honey, wait...I apologize...please... come here to me". That's love, that's patient endurance, full sympathy with one another, and mutual harmony.

I've done this life on my own until the last few years. Selfish ambition was a way of life and it only brought heartache. The more I put my flesh under and look for ways to bless those around me the happier I am... The healthier I become and the farther the hurt of the past fades away. Yes, I'm called to share it with the multitudes, but it seems as if I'm talking about another person in another time. Praise God!

Lord, thank you for your goodness...continue to do a work in my heart to bless those that I love and bring those that haven't experienced love...the ones that may think that they aren't lovable across my path so that You can pour out Your love on them, through me...growing me up in the process. Your Word says that its easy to love the ones we want to love but the true test is to love those that aren't so lovable. Open our eyes so that we can see if it's the person living in our own house that needs love. Shed light where there is darkness in this area. Help us to be creative and genuine in this. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

The Triumphs of Faith

Hebrews 10:35 and 36 Therefore, do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised. (emphasis mine)

I seek and pursue after peace. When I am in the will of God I have peace. I used to think that "finding" the will of God was some elusive, spiritual event that was only for those that have been walking with the Lord for some time. As the Lord has so graciously shown me, when I seek Him and do things in faith, as if unto Him...I am IN His will. He sees our hearts. So even when I'm completely missing it...if I'm doing it in faith...He still blesses it.

I spent this weekend with my girlfriend from Kansas City @ the Lake of the Ozarks...this decision was made after asking the Lord..."what would you have me do this weekend?" I have learned from the Word to ask Him about the small things too. He desires an INTIMATE relationship with us. For those of you that may think that He does not have time for such trivial questions from me...I want to remind you that He is the creator of ALL THINGS...He is a big, big, God. I truly believe that we bless His heart when we come to Him and seek His will for us moment by moment, day by day, even for weekend plans. And when we do... it is so evident that His hand of blessing is ALL over it.

Without getting into too much detail...the Lord placed me in the presence of some wonderful and interesting people that have the lake home next door to the family I was with this weekend. From what I understand...they have never experienced a relationship with the Prince of Peace. With few words, the Lord led me to share with them the awesomeness of Him in my life . It's hard for me to contain how good He is at times...but I am careful to be led on when and where I share. They were like sponges, soaking up His goodness. I was right where He asked me to be at that appointed time.

As I blasted across the lake on the jet ski this afternoon...appreciating the beauty of His creation... and the blessings of spending time with a friend that was sent from Him...I could only say "thank you Lord", over and over.

Knowing that you are doing what He has called you to do...even if for a moment...loving on His people...such a place is not elusive to you. We tend to make it harder than it is...doubtless expectation...this thing called faith...a peace that surpasses all understanding...it's up to us to be led. It's up to us to choose blessing.

Lord, thank You for Your grace, I know that I can do nothing on my own. I'm only where I need to be by your grace and mercy. Thank you Lord for Your Holy Spirit that guides and directs me...forgive me Lord for the times that I didn't ask or did not pay attention to your leading. Help me to be attentive and sensitive to Your voice in the future. In the precious name of Jesus, Amen.